A Beautiful Mess

Happy new year! I feel like I’m a little too late to wish everyone happy new year, but technically the New Year festivities (at least in Malaysia) have only just begun....

The new year season is an emotional season for many of us. Resetting the calendar means different things to all of us- some may carry with much hope and enthusiasm to start a clean slate, whereas others may still be still integrating life with old wounds and challenging pasts.

However, the socially acceptable response tends to be the former- put on the positive mindset, and keep leaning to the idea that things can always be better.

This is Halia, my cat. I was tested Covid positive on new years day, so my new year was very much like Halia's eveyday, hibernating at home.

I experienced many losses in the past year and started to be in touch with our common humanity- that we all yearn for connections and fear separation/change, and we will be separated one way or another from everything we love someday. Then, I discovered that topics intertwined with our common humanity such as pain, loss, sorrow and deep yearnings are underrated talking points in our everyday lives. It also doesn’t help that today’s culture constantly insinuates on concealing our vulnerabilities and capitalize our strengths. There’s a lot of resources available to help us get everything together, and not a lot of things that allows us to be connect with our authentic and human selves. Therefore, the less we normalize on being human (that we’re messy, emotional, scared, always longing for something better and etc.), the more likely we expect ourselves to behave like robots. We’re humans; we’re irrational, we feel hurt, and we break down. These behaviors unfortunately are often perceived as dysfunctional or weak or unnecessary. In fact, it’s dysfunctional of us to behave like robots consistently.

Me regretting buying an ice cream in the peak of winter in Japan. Im also an irrational being.

I’m not saying go be a grouch, nor am I giving everyone a pass to lament 24/7. I’m saying we’re mortal beings and there’s value in the common unpleasant/unhappy emotions. Joy and sorrow come hand in hand. In fact, life becomes more enriching without amplifying joy and downplaying sorrow. A burger looks more delicious when you picture it with the sauce oozing out, smearing the fingers or lips.

Snow can elicit magical and romantic feelings within us only if it does not exist for a long period of time. It has to disappear for it to be special

As you meet up with old and new people during this season of festivities, may you have more meaningful conversations with them. Talking about our common experience (e.g., our deepest fears, pains and longing) doesn’t make us less, it makes us whole. Of course, do the due diligence to find the right people to talk about these too!

Some take home ideas:

1. Practice some ways that you can connect with nature as a way to be reminded of humanity or the essence of life (e.g., being outdoors for 30mins once a week, walking barefoot to have physical connection with the earth, doing things that inspire awe and wonder in life)

2. Do something with loved ones that inspires everyone to begin talking about the common fears, sorrows and anxieties in life. It could be playing card games that asks difficult questions or watching movies that portray the hidden struggles of everyday life. Remember to resist the urge to solve problems!